BRiDGETs WORLD..♥

heart. ♥

IMBRIDGET.BLOGSPOT.COM

Hello. My name is BRIDGET.
Give me presents! On Dec 28 :D
I study in EIS, haha.
I in love with this world and my life! ;]
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. D':
I dance, i dont sing, i dance more and i eat.

"LOVE is the slowest form of suicide"

eQs21, Chocolate Kiss, Pognon, JZZ, Salt.Garlic :)
CLASS OF 2011 ♥.

2009-03-22!

HandWritten on; 19:59

AH.. im so tired of everything.

My him's away right now, dont miss him as much as i thought i would
maybe it's because im dancing all the time, probably so.

Cried last thursday. First time of that day was cuz of 'him' yeah = =. Found out he was hurting himself with some negative things im not going to mention, and on a school day, so i went ds;lghdaflkhgoeihgylkdfhglds and just cried
ofcourse, cuz i worry about him so much, BECAUSE I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT HIM.
probably more than he cares about himself. HUH - -* im so sick and tired of that...

anyways, faught with mom. we've been fighting much lately = =, tired of that, too.

Cover. Dance dance dance.
Thursday after school, practice w/ friends in school, and then cheer realize and thennnn leave.
Friday renew my american passport and then rush to dance practice somewhere goddamn far away from where i live, SO SO TIRED.
hitoe slept over w/ ammy, had fun! i liked that hahahaha ;]
Saturday dance practice at that goddamn far place again, jzz forced "only look at me" routine all in once into me in like less that an hour. = =" TIREd.
continue practice at behind chula book center or something something until like 6 something. SUPER TIRED.
TODAY, sunday. wake up extra early to go wait alone at pata pinklao for parts of jzz that were suppose to meet me there but came late, but it's understandable, one of em is supa sick.
then put on make up 'n bla bla bla rush to siam to find a unacceptable hot stage right in the middle of siam and the sun.
HOT LIKE HELL. can't stand it.

not much people = = v. boringg
stood there all day until like 5.30, dance twice, tired and it's soooooo hot. got all frustrated and stuff
and then came home and feel sick and tired of EVERYTHING
i just wanna disappear hahahahaha

i dont really know why, but i just wanna turn away from everything
sort of have a pause on my life right now and just get away from everything.
but can't happen, skool again tmr. NO HIM.
uhhuh... yeah so boring ofcourse, even if there's a field trip
not excited tho lol

have another audition for jzz, hello korea tuesday = =
hope i dont have to get into another fight with my mom to try to go. HUHHHHH
and then i wanna go partayyy on thursday, hopefully I can. so so tired now TT

damn.

2009-03-12!

HandWritten on; 21:25

"Love is the slowest form of suicide" -Babe. <3

What can i say? I'm worried, can't help it right??

I know he's addicted to his friends, and I know I have no say about whatsoever he does with his life because obviously WHAT AM I? How do i even matter in the tiniest bit to him anyways?
He wouldn't give a damn.

But I still worry.

He might not care about his health, but I care for him. Thing is i really dont know what to do.. I dont like him doing stuff like that, hurting himself, but who am I to say, im nothing to him.

'I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night'

it's true you know... i really have the hardest time trying to get him off my mind...

I dont know.. im just worried, i want him to CARE
not about me ofcourse, cuz i dont expect ANYTHING out of him... UNCONDITIONAL right...
but i want him to CARE about himself, love himself more... after all what's so hard to love about him right? I mean even I can't stop myself... XD

All im saying is... (eventho i know he never enters my blog but u know. just in case.) IF YOU KNOW URSELF AND EVER EVER READ THIS!

Stop w/ the 'magical' thingii ur smoking, it's not so magical u know...
I dont mind the drinking, understand it, but hv a limit would ya?!
Smoking is BAD. I dont like guys who smoke, obviously tho ur an exception.
DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I DONT LIKE IT.

bla bla bla i can go on and on and on.
and there is so much more i want to say, but again who am i, who is he, WHAT ARE WE?
ofcourse, NOTHING.

so all im going to do is complain in my blog.
and wishing he realizes what's good for him, and start caring more...

(:

I still wouldn't use love tho for what I'm feeling
either it's extreme LUST, or it's extreme PASSION.
love is still too strong.

but anyways, whatever it is, it is STRONG.

and i was just thinking you know... maybe when it approaches the day he's leaving, I'd write him something.
not shabby stuff like poems 'n all... maybe a half diary half message to him
something like n'moji wrote for alex perhaps (?)
and that'd be the last thing i give him... :)

"We all are born alone, and we die alone. So why not be able to live alone?"
Love yourself.

x

2009-03-09!

HandWritten on; 22:04

There's a thin line between love and hate... right now I don't know where I stand.

You'd think it would hurt less to be on the love side of that line, but WRONG
because it hurts so much more when you feel that you hate him but you keep looking back to that thin line and you find urself frozen trying to cross the line because you can never remove your leg from the side that is said to be 'love'

WTH.

and then when you notice yourself again
you're retracting yourself back.

its like calories blah blah's song, เกลียดเทอไม่ลง because it is exactly that way.

THEY WERE LOWLIFE JERKS and giving a reason that they're DRUNK doesn't make it okay. DOES BEING DRUNK MEAN YOU CAN USE DISGUSTING WORDS AND LAUGH OVER IT AND ACT LIKE A TOTAL DICKHEAD, and it'll be OKAY??

UH, NO!

hell no.

which is probably why i hate them so much right now.
how disgusting can a person be!

and yet... eventhough i didn't say so, but i feel like i forgive HIM.

PATHETIC BRIDGET.

HOW DO I JUSTIFY MYSELF.

..because you make me feel that it's easier to cry than to lift up the corners of my mouth and smile. damn.

2009-03-07!

HandWritten on; 22:41

..and so as i sat in the taxi looking out the window
my eyes felt like they were burning.

actually they still do...

I NEED SUPERCAMP SUPPORT.
but hell.. feels like no way ima get any here in bkk. D':

ok..

one point in the taxi i burried my face in to my strawberry hangkerchief and i couldn't really tell if there was tears coming out of my eyes or not.
I just sobbed. can't breathe. can't understand a thing.

pulled out my soaked hangkerchier, realized there was indeed tears and burried my face in it again.

WHY?

i asked myself that too, apparently the answer is
I DONT KNOW.

stress?
him?
frustration?
misunderstandings?
haunted by old memories?

probably all of that in one.

but i still dont know why.

Taxi driver stared. don't blame him, who wouldn't right?
he seemed... sympathetic tho.. = ="
and i feel pathetic. poor taxi driver lol

alex slept, probably didn't realize a thing by the time we reach home and he woke up.
my eyes were pretty dry by then, didn't want my mother asking why too, i can't even answer myself, how to answer her?

it's her birthday tomorrow. last thing she wants would be me crying for not particular identifiable reason...
i hate myself. -*-

i hate crying.
i hate asking but never getting an answer.
i hate the torture im going thru.
i hate waking up in the morning.
i hate having to smile when people ask why i look so sad.
i hate being sad.
i hate looking sad.
i hate that i even involve myself in any sadness.
i hate this part of life.

but one day it'll pass right?
one day i'll be able to sit in a taxi and be sane.
ONE DAY i'LL CHANGE. :)

hopefully it's soon lol

Labels: mental breakdown

2009-03-01!

HandWritten on; 10:45

I know im a few days late to update about talent show, but im here anyways.

So wednesday night all eight of us sleptover at my condo. :]

it was hella fun!

practice was hilarious, i loved the mirror room @ monkey club!! XD

and thenn back at the condo gossip was extraordinary! lol

so we had p'ize to spice up the gossips and like everytime girls gossip

time fliesss~

we had our fitting ;] tried on our dress and stuff haha that too was fun

and we took pictures.

Then, sat down and just talk. talk and talk and talk! hahaha

until it was like rele late and we realize we have to wake up early, so we went to bed

babe was sick that night. She woke me up because she had to vomit.

Sooo, the next morning, babe was still sick. I felt bad for her, not feeling good on the day of and stuff, must'a be horrible.

We got all dolled up and head for school, which we were not late for lol

at school we got dress in Sir yoong's class and waited for talent show to start

Babe wasn't feeling any better and she vomitted more. I was worried.

Then, she went to sleep in the clinic for a while and the rest of us sit through talent show

waiting.. for the dance category to start > <

my him was there too, and knowing it's the last day im allowing myself to like him

I tried to ignore him, worked out some part of it because I was really worried about babe not being able to dance and Ms. Markie picking on p'ize and stuff like that. Last minute problems that keep showing up.

So when dance time came, like i thought babe was in no condition to dance

she said she can't dance. and i was like "oh shit."

so our gee routine went chaotic. It was horrid, I dont even want to describe it.

We tried to manage as best as we can. Hopefully we did pull through.

uhm... someone shout out his name when i was on stage.

i didn't react ofcourse, but inside it was like "WTH"

so i tried to blackout everything, including the bunch of people in front of me

and simply danced.

didn't care about him, or anyone. This is OUR SHOW.

so good feedbacks i guess

esp. with the whole BLING BLING dress ;]

i know, everyone was like *0* ahahahahahahahahaha, awesomeeee.

so after that we went down to take pictures and stuff

i liked that moment :]

FUN.

then back up in the auditorium, now that i dont hv dancing to take off my mind...

I kept thinking of him. T^T it was horribleee. I couldn't stop myself, seriously

nomatter how much i try. But anyways, I have to. STOP. D':

dammit. (I still miss him now! GEEZ!!)

ok so bla bla bla talent show went on till skool was over, bored some people.

Incredibly long.

and then we got second place, yaye. I was hell tired so i went to eat

and then just sat there. do nothing. missed him and stopped myself by eating. AHAHA!

till it was time to go home. It was a longer than usual ride home

damn tiring.

YESTERDAY.

went to dance practice w/ JZZ! ^^

FUNNNN~ took my mind off him for the whole day, well except the morning ride to practice w/ half of JZZ where we all talked about how our whole band is single.

anyways, so i learned 'strong baby' routines, and im dancing w/ p'roong :D

eventho yesterday wasn't the complete set, and i only met some of JZZ

they were awesome.

P'kaew was cute as always, P'am was hell funny, P'roong is relee cute

and ploy was ploy lol

cute, sassy and rele cute, in a different way w/ p'roong 'n p'kaew

i can see why p'annie is craaazyyyy over her lol

and they all danced rele good, great coordination 'n stuff

me 'n p'roong got our routine rite the first time we tried doing it together lol

after like 4? Jzz left and RLZ came :] hahaha so i continued to practice

ploy didn't go home yet, and stayed along w/ us while the other heads off to 'wonder girl's concert' dang, i wanna go too. lol

so we danced on danced on and on, until it was dinner time

and i went to see granny and family for dinner.

THE END.

Labels: talent show